I Want Structure!

I guess the mass chaos in my life is starting to get to me. In a discussion with my coworkers today about a property in Riverside that was in violation I realized that I was playing hardball with how we were going to deal with the issue. I kept insisting that we dont bend the rules but make this correct the violation and that they go by the standards that are written for the neighborhood. After the meeting as Lisa and I were talking I realized that I need to have things more organized and I want things structured at the moment. That includes making sure the customers and cases I deal with on a daily basis are within the boundaries of the Guidelines. I dont think there should be any gray areas at the moment. I have also self-appointment myself to organized our network. It is in disarray and has not been organized or cleaned in years. People just keep adding things do it and creating folders without searching to see if the folder they created already exists in another place on the network. Oh well, I am going to organize and create a strucutred environment around me until I no longer feel the need for so much structure!

Natalie news:
Yesterday she actually was having fun playing on her tummy. I would have been able to get her to stay on her tummy for awhile but some people from the church stopped by while she was playing so I picked her up while they were there and after they left it was time for her evening fussy stage. Im not sure what is wrong with her, it might be colic or something else. She is almost 16 weeks old already! I cant believe how fast the time has flown. I was looking at her newborn pictures this morning and its hard to recognize her, she is becoming such a big girl now. I miss the newborn stage but Im having a ball with the baby stage, I love her interacting with me.

Through Heaven’s Gates

Joshua Sams left the bonds of earth this morning around 11am EST and entered into heaven’s gates with a brand new perfect little body. My heart is aching for Matt and Susie Sams and the rest of their family at this time. Joshua’s fight for life and Matt and Susie’s remarkable faith have been an inspiration to me.

I know that they are experiencing pain that I cant even imagine. I dont even want to imagine what it feels like to lose a child, especially one so young. I am sure that they take comfort in knowing he was never in any pain and that he now is perfect and happy in the arms of Jesus.

I can only imagine the joy he is experiencing with his new body and seeing Jesus face to face. Maybe he is running around the streets of gold with my little boy that I miscarried last year.

Please keep Matt and Susie Sams in your prayers at this time. Please also pray for Joshua’s big sister Oceana, that she will come to some type of understanding and closure about Joshua.

Joshua Matthew Sams 7 Jan 2008 – 15 Mar 2008 (67 days, 7 hours)

Gone But Never Forgotten

Natalie is now 14 weeks old! I cant believe how fast the time has gone. Now I have to go back to work starting tomorrow. Part of me is ready to rejoin the rest of the world but another part of me doesnt want to leave my little girl at home. She will be in the excellent care of my brother as her ‘ma-nanny’ (male nanny) but its still hard to leave her at home.

Ive been thinking a lot about my first pregnancy and the little baby that wasnt meant to walk this earth. A year ago I got pregnant right before Natalie was conceived. It was 8 weeks when we lost that little one and about two weeks later when Natalie was first formed. Even though we lost him so early in the pregnancy, it doesnt make my little baby any less real to me. We both felt very strongly that he was a boy so we named him ‘Preston.’ Interestingly enough his due date was Natalie’s birth date. I will never celebrate Natalie’s birthday without thinking of my little Preston. He is in the hands of Jesus and I cant wait to meet him one day. Its kinda hard to think about in a way, I wish he had been able to have joined us here on earth but if he had Natalie would not have been born and I cannot imagine my world without her. I am totally in love with this little girl but I also love my son that is with Jesus. I will just have to wait till I enter the gates of heaven to meet my little man and have my entire family around me.