We really are still very far from getting back to normal as a family. In fact we will probably get back to that ‘normal.’ However, life is continuing and things are progressing. Today was Natalie’s first day back at daycare since her surgery and my first day back at work. Now I know we have only been away for about 3 1/2 weeks but it feels like much longer. Natalie and I are doing half days this week to ease the transition back into our old routine. I think I had a harder time of it than she did, but she was awfully exhausted today so I know it was hard on her too…she slept a good 2-3 hrs this afternoon and was asleep by 7pm, without much of a fight…which NEVER happens.
Her shunt is doing remarkably well. The soft spot and her little ‘devil horns’ (where they drilled for the first surgery) are noticeably pliable and soft instead of firm…this is what we want them to be. However, she’s spitting up quite a bit more than normal the past few days and she has been a little more irritable than normal. We go back to the doctor on Thursday, I will discuss my concerns with him then and hopefully it is just normal or nothing to be concerned about. She is also having random occasions where she suddenly just screams in pain…its either her head hurts or she’s teething, I havent figured out which yet. I think it might be teething b/c she did it twice when she was trying to bite down on her spoon this afternoon.
Actually, I dont feel anything, kinda like I did the day of her surgery. My mom asked me how I felt…I said I really dont feel anything. I know God is in control of this entire situation and I am not going to allow myself to get all stressed out and worried over things I have no control over. I look at this situation this way…”I know in whom I have belief…” God has not left us throughout this entire ordeal and he will not leave us now. This entire journey has been a great test to my faith, but I just keep placing my life, Natalie’s life, and Thomas’ life into His hands and allow him to take care of things. I know in a few months we will look back at this nightmare and realized how much he was with this and this entire situation will allow us to help others who experience similar problems.
I think that might be part of why we are having to walk down this road. I believe nothing happens without a reason. Yes this is the most difficult thing I have had to face (and I have had more than my share of difficulties) but at the same time I know that this experience will allow us to turn around and use our experiences for good, to help others and to glorify God.
I am reminded about an evangelist that came to my church when I was a teen. His name was Dave Roever, and he was a Vietnam veteran who was maimed in the war. He was a member of the Navy SEALS and a while on a mission a phosphorus gernade discharged in his hand next to his head and burned most of his body. He lost half his face and one of his hands, his eye, his ear, his ability to do a lot of things. He jumped into the river to try and extinguish the fire…however it was not extinguished because this is what phosphorus does. After he came back to the surface after jumping into the river, the first words out of his mouth were, “GOD I STILL BELIEVE IN YOU!” Immeadiately, on of his fellow soldiers (one whom he called ‘Pervert No. 1’) gave his heart and sole to God. These words have echoed in my head the past few days…because no matter what I face and what I deal with…I believe one thing…”GOD I STILL BELIEVE IN YOU!”