As I write this I don’t even know if I will still have a job in about 3 hours. This morning I received the email that everyone in my department has been dreading…please attend a mandatory staff meeting at 4pm in room 851. I’m not the only one on the email, the others included are almost everyone that we expected to potentially be on “the list.” This meeting could mean several things. It could be a meeting to let us know that our positions could be eliminated. It could also be a rollback meeting where we are all rolled back to our previous titles and take a pay cut. Finally, it could me that all or some of us no longer have positions with the City and to inform us of our rights and the next step.
I hope that in a few hours I can report that I still have my job, even if it means a roll back, but I could easily report that I have suddenly found myself as a stay at home mom. My emotions are strange right now. I’m upset definitely, I’m also worried but I’m not stressed…I’ve know of this possibility for months now but this entire time I haven’t been able to feel stress as it relates to my position. I was cautioned by a coworker to try not to stress so that I don’t harm the baby and I told her that oddly enough I feel “centered.” I can’t think of any other way to describe it. I know that this comes from an authority higher than myself. I as a general rule have a tendency to stress about things I can’t control but in the past couple of years I have slowly been learning that the things I can’t control I just need to give to God. My only responsibility is to do the things that I need to do in a particular situation and let the rest lay in God’s hands. Its definitely been a hard lesson to learn but I think I’m getting better.
My feelings are mixed about this potential layoff. I do worry about the insurance part since medical insurance has always come through me. It would be easy enough to find insurance for Thomas but it is much more difficult and expensive for Natalie and impossible for me right now since I am pregnant. As much as I would love a more flexible schedule and the ability to be a more hands on mom I still don’t feel that my time is done in my position. I still feel like I have more to do in my current job. I guess I will know if my feelings are correct or not at 4pm today.
A good friend of mine gave me the following words from Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
I also have a plaque sitting on my desk with the following words from Psalms 46:10: “Be STILL and KNOW that I am GOD.” This is something that I know without a doubt.